A dear friend and neighbor was very ill and at home recuperating after a serious operation. We knew that her life would be short, but she had a strong spirit and was trying to be as independent as possible. Her husband asked me to stay with her while he went to see his lawyer about their estate. I came into the house, and the husband was beside himself.

His wife had flatly refused to have a baby sitter in the home. He and I talked about the situation, and I agreed to sit outside the house in case she needed me. I sat on a bench in the front yard trying to make some sense of all this before my friend returned home. It finally dawned on me that something significant was happening.
This proud and courageous woman was left with very little control over her life. Simple household tasks were beyond her, but there were some things that she could control and refusing to have me as a baby sitter was one of them. When my friend got back from his errand, we both began to understand that he, in asking me to be in the house without first asking her permission, had taken one more bit of independence away from her.

Of course, he thought he was doing the right thing, but he forgot to ask his wife for her permission. He immediately got up, went into the bedroom, apologized, and received one of those little smiles that we husbands recog nize as saying, “I forgive you, but don’t do it again.” Wisely, he then came back outdoors, and we continued our discussion.

After agreeing that we husbands are, indeed, a sorry lot, he told me this story. Their daughter had paid them a visit, recently. Because she was concerned about what her mother could and couldn’t do, she took it upon herself to rearrange things in the house, and more particularly, in the kitchen in a way that she thought would be helpful for her mother.

The results were both predicable and immediate. The mother now had no idea where her things were, and she let every person know about her displeasure. My friend found himself in the position of having to put the kitchen back together, just as it was. This task is definitely not a man thing! It would have been easier to simply seek permission first before rearranging a piece of someone else’s world.