During Collette’s illness, we had time to discuss how to deal with her death. She would be cremated. Her ashes would be given to the sea at Point-No-Point, a favorite visiting place for our family.

No guest in our home ever visited Victoria without being taken to this beautiful place. You can stand on the edge of the cliff, look west across Juan de Fuca Strait, and imagine that you can see Japan.

The family visited this special place with Collette’s ashes. We had refreshments in the tearoom and then walked down the long path to the sea. I poured Collette’s ashes, carefully, down the steep cliff and into the sea. We knew that Collette wanted to be at Point-No-Point, and we were satisfied that we had done precisely what she requested.

I remember walking back up the path and thinking that she was now in her special place. There was satisfaction in knowing that the sea which she loved so much was now her home.
I don’t remember precisely when it was that I began to experience this disturbing and recurring dream. I was standing on the spot from which I had given Collette’s ashes to the sea.  However, when I looked down the cliffside, I saw traces of her ashes on the rocks above the
tide-line. This dream bothered me because I was positive that I had committed the ashes directly into the ocean.

I shared this dream with my friend, Vi, whom I had met at the first meeting of the Bereavement Self-Help Social Group in 1988. About a week later, she phoned and asked if I would like to make a Sunday trip to Point-No-Point. We were to have tea and gaze at the expanse of the ocean. During the long drive to the point, Vi would check her watch, occasionally, but I didn’t really take much notice of what she was doing.

We had refreshments at the tearoom and then walked down the path to the sea. When we got to the place from which I had dispersed Collette’s ashes, I noted that the sea came almost to the edge of the cliff. I knew instantly that Vi had arranged the whole outing so that I would know that Collette’s ashes were actually in the sea. She had consulted the tide tables and made sure that we arrived at exactly the right time.

We sat on a nearby bench for a long time, and I thought of all the kind and thoughtful things that Vi had done for so many of our mutual friends. That day, I was the recipient of her thoughtfulness, and I will never forget her important gesture. I never had that disturbing dream again.