It took me some time before I recognized that some people really need to have permission to bring back some normalcy in their lives.  I use the word “normalcy” advisably in the context of once again having a measure of the joy of living they once had.  In all too many people there seems to a sort of façade that they are expected to maintain after the death of a loved one.  I usually refer this as the “stiff upper lip” syndrome. 

In Canada we have that wonderful blending of cultural differences that is so evident in almost any part of our Nation.  We must respect how people of different cultural differences show their grief in their quite unique ways. 

One of the commonest façades that I have seen is that the person that has died could do no wrong.  This of course changes with time, but slowly, and then we are given glimpses of the little shortcoming we all have.  It is only with the sharing of experiences that people are able to see their life experiences were not all that different from many of their friends.  We all have the shared knowledge of the way most people lead their lives.  We all have much the same joys and sorrows, the ups and downs of long term relationships.

So we share our stories, our hopes, our disappointments and our expectations for our lives and in so doing we see that we are not unique.  We are then encouraged to live our lives a bit more fully; we learn from the stories of our friends and as live goes on we learn once more to laugh and to enjoy life as it is given to us.

This is what I mean by “permission”.  However we do not wake up on morning and feel we have been given permission to do this or that.  It is a subtle understanding that life is good, there is much beauty in our lives, there is music and there are our friends who have done so much for us in ways that even they do not understand. 

Here are a few stories about “permission” that I have had the pleasure to see unfold.  Yes, many of my friends gave me permission but it took me a long time to understand just how they did it without them even knowing.